The Passions Doll Collection 2000
by Jennifer2
Summary: A humorous parody of Passions through a doll collection.


The Passions Doll Collection

Hello and welcome to the first annual showing of the Passions doll collection. Here, you will find a doll representation for each character on the NBC soap opera, Passions. Please enjoy the tour, and if at any time during the tour you would like to buy a doll, alert one of our assistants standing by.

***Disclaimer:*** As far as I know, there is no real Passions doll collection. This is just a parody. This was written around the time of the Prom from Hell.*** 

We'll begin with the Lopez-Fitzgerald family. To start of the tour, we have the lovely mother of the family, Pilar. Pilar wears a maid's outfit and has a disapproving expression on her face. She comes with two candles, for her husband Martin and her missing son, Antonio. When you pull her string, she mutters in her soft Spanish accent, "This can end in nothing but disaster. It has to stop now, but being the weak woman that I am, I will do nothing to stop it." 

Next, we have Luis. Luis wears a gray sweater that is easily removable when he wants to show off his body. He also comes with a cop uniform. When you pull his string, he says in an exasperated voice, "Sheridan, you are the most stubborn, pig-headed woman I have ever known!" 

Third in the Lopez-Fitzgerald family is Theresa. Theresa's hair can be fixed in at least 30 different hairstyles, all which take several hours to complete. She comes with lots of pink lipstick and 20 expensive-looking outfits. When you pull her string, she gets a "dreamy" look on her face, her eyes scrunch up, and she whispers, "I know Ethan and I will be together. It's FATE." 

Finally in the Lopez-Fitzgerald family, we have Miguel. We had a hard time deciding whether or not to put Miguel with the Lopez-Fitzgeralds or the Bennetts. Miguel wears jeans and a T-shirt. When you pull his string, he grins and says, "I know we were meant to be together Charity. I love you so much. Charity, Charity, Charity..." and at times can go on talking in love talk for hours on end before he shuts up. 

Next, we have the Cranes. We start off the Crane family with Alistair. Actually, Alistair is only a hand and a speaker phone. When you press the "talk" button on the speaker phone, it blasts out, "Julian, you are worthless! Am I going to have to come to Harmony and fix this problem for MYSELF?" 

Next, we have Julian. Julian wears a suit and tie and carries an alcoholic drink in his hand. He comes with a mini-bar and a speaker phone as well. When you pull his string, he mutters, "Ah, Theresa... what a delectable little creature. Too bad my son is too stupid to realize it." 

Next in our lovely collection is the ice queen herself, Ivy, also known as "Poison Ivy." She wears an expensive green skirt and blouse and of course, her locket, which is undetachable. When her string is pulled, she says, "I have to make Sam realize he loves me. Where's Eve?" 

The next member of the Crane family is Sheridan. Sheridan comes with many hair-styling appliances, including a curling iron, gel, mousse, bleach, etc. She scowls most of the time. When you pull her string, she snaps, "I can take care of myself. I had things COMPLETELY under control before Luis showed up!" 

Next in the collection is Ethan. Ethan is dressed in khaki slacks, and a sweater vest. He has a very "duh" look on his face at all times. Whenever his string is pulled, he alternates between, "Gwen, please, just forget about your job and come home!" and, "I love Gwen and I'm going to marry her. I just have to forget about Theresa." 

Next in our delightful collection is the Bennett family. First is Sam Bennett. Sam comes with the exact same clothes Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald does. When his string is pulled, he says, "Look, Ivy, I love Grace and only Grace. I am NOT going to betray her with you!" 

Next is Grace Bennett. Because Grace suffers from "Boringminorcharacteritis" her doll doesn't do anything but stand there and smile. 

Following Grace is Hank Bennett. Hank wears clothes similar to Luis', with a tan trench coat added to that. He comes with a small cell phone that rings. When the phone is answered, a menacing voice threatens Hank. When Hank's string is pulled, he says, "Sheridan is going to be mine. You just wait and see." 

After Hank comes the dark-haired, dark-eyed beauty, Kay. Kay wears dark shirts and blue jeans. When her string is pulled, she gets a gleam in her eye and says happily, "Prom will totally send Charity over the edge thanks to my plan, and Miguel will FINALLY be mine!" 

Following Kay is Charity. Charity is unbelievable skinny and seems to get even more skinny by the day. She wears a light-colored blouse and a light-colored skirt. When her string is pulled, her eyes get extremely wide and she whispers, "Why do I keep having this vision that we're all going to die on prom night? What's wrong with me?" 

Finally, to end the Bennett family is Jessica. Jessica wears a candy-striper costume. Jessica says two alternating things when her string is pulled, and is, ironically, the only two things she EVER says on the show: "Kay, what are you up to?" and, "Charity, don't worry, I'm sure prom will be PERFECT." 

Next is the Russell family. The Russell family begins with T.C. It is unknown what the "T" and the "C" stand for. T.C. wears baggy jeans and a shirt. When his string is pulled, he says, "Eve, I love you so much. I am so lucky to have been blessed with such a PERFECT wife." 

Following T.C. is Eve. Eve has a worried expression on her face at all times. She wears a doctor's coat and an ugly detachable wig on her head. When her string is pulled, she murmurs fearfully, "I can't let T.C. ever find out about my past!" 

After Eve comes Whitney. Whitney's hair can be done in an array of ways too. She comes with a tennis raquet, but it doesn't fit right in her hand since she never practices. When her string is pulled, she shrieks, "I have NO feelings for Chad. OKAY?" 

Finally, the ending part of the Russell family, is Simone. Simone has at least 15 brightly colored outfits that come with her. When her string is pulled, she accuses, "Whitney, it's all YOUR fault Chad is lying in the hospital, fighting for his life. What were you thinking about that was just sooooo important you didn't even notice a scaffold about to fall on your head?" 

That ends the family part of the tour, but wait, we have more! Next in our lovely collection is the team of Tabitha and Timmy, who come together. Tabitha comes with several odd pairs of clothing, while Timmy has an array of incredible costumes, including "Hawaiian Timmy," "Super Timmy," and "Matrix Man." When Tabitha's string is pulled, she says, "We MUST bring Charity over to the dark side, or else we're finished!" When Timmy's string is pulled, he says, "Timmy loves Charity. Princess, can we please get rid of Fluffy?" 

Then we have Chad Harris. Chad comes wearing street clothes, and also a coffee pot in case he's working at the Book Cafe. When his string is pulled, he alternates between, "Come on, Whitney. You know you have feelin's for me. Just ADMIT it" and "I'm not giving up the search.. someday I WILL find out who mah parents are." 

Next is the lovely Gwen Hotchkiss. Gwen comes with several dully-colored business suits, so that she looks boring when placed by Theresa. Her hair is also done in the only hairstyle she's allowed to do it in. When her string is pulled, she gushes, "Oh, I can't WAIT to marry Ethan! It's going to be so perfect! But I better make sure he and Theresa spend lots of time together, to thank her for putting this wedding together for me!" 

Finally, last but not least, we end the collection with Reese Durkee. Reese wears a sweater-vest and pocket protectors, and dorky glasses. When his string is pulled, he grins, pushes his glasses up on his nose, and says in a goofy voice, "Gee, Kay, I can't wait to go to prom with you!" 

That's it for our beautiful collection, ladies and gentlemen. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it. 


End file.
